Call the UN a horse box has arrived

It's late last night and the day has been a long one. Trees have been chopped, chickens have been fed, gardens worked on, and backs are aching. Our daughter has gone out to fetch more bread and milk and I've just had a bath.

The phone goes and I am still getting dry...so Linn tries to get to it racing away from the washing up. She fails to get there before the caller hangs up.
If its important they'll call back.

Two minutes later Alice bursts in the house breathless and in a fury. It's been a very peaceful day and I notice the contradiction of her contorted face with the evening sunlight, like a gentle halo around her, as she stands in the kitchen. She's snapping out orders, barking really.

When she went to the shops all was calm but on her return her usually wandering driving eye had spotted a horsebox drawing up next to our five hives. She's not going to let some Hampshire thief get away with this. Get your blo*dy clothes on, all of us grab a hand axe, mallet, chainsaw or whatever we're going to war!
Hurry up we don't have time.

So we are bundled into action.

Linn and Alice are already in the shed with Alice choosing the most damaging prospects. I have just reached the phone as I hear them leave. I phone Will, the farmer.

'Hi Will, sorry to bother you but there seems to be a horse box right next to the hives.'
'No Sam that's my calf box, I've just put it out the way for tonight. Market day tomorrow...'
'oh great, err...you better get out of your house quick'
'why?'
'I think Alice has called down air strikes...'
Silence at the other end of the phone.

Then I hear laughter, starting off with a chuckle but then developing into a throaty roar as Will sees the local rebels defending their rights.

Apparently Alice blocked the yard entrance, Sweeney style, with her car and with her mum in straggling support charged up the field shouting and waving her garden rake as she ran the hundred or so yards. Her assault was faultless the calf box never stood a chance.

Will made his excuses and I hung up. Went back to getting dry and wondered whether I should feel pride at their actions or a little stupid. Opted for the former and now the assault on Calf hill will pass into family folklore alongside many others - operation McDonald's, the swim for help, and the infamous alpaca rescue.

Sam

I love it.

Take that box

Very enjoyable and well written story.

However, hives can also be stolen in a calf box, so fair play to all.

Sam, i thought i had armed you several months ago!!!! But you turned them into nice bees instead LOL

Paul,
Your girls were pussycats...all the pain has faded now...and my elephant man head swelling has also gone!

As you know the location and all of us... the sight of Alice sprinting and shouting whilst waving her rake may have a little more immediacy to you.

I have to go the pub tonight as I am running the quiz and Willie and family will be sat there. I may just pretend that assault on Precint 13 never happened.

The swarm you gave me has been left alone since Saturday - I was hoping to check them out but the weather and life... Will look tomorrow if possible.

All the best,
Sam

I've heard of paintimg a picture with words; now I've seen it !
Brill

John Wilkinson

Good one. I think someone on this forum should collect all the amazing anecdotes from this forum and see if we can get it published. Maybe for charity.

Thats fantastic, and as said earlier, well written

Thank you very much for all your kind words. It was a moment of great comedic value so I tried to express a little of that in my post.

Saw Willie in the pub tonight and had a fair old time with jokes about honey thieves disguising themselves as calves, bears, wheat (a la Dad's army), etc.

It colours our lives a little more...and yes a braver man than I would shake a stick (or anything else for that matter) at her.

All the best,

Sam

very funny, lmao

No need to panic - if the hives are WBC they are thief proof as no one has yet worked out how to move them - TFIC*

Personally I currently have a downer on horse boxes having been knocked off my bike by one just before Christmas. The owner would have been the first to complain if I had sped past them in my car while they were on their nag - but the same does not seem to apply to cyclists when they are driving a horse box.

Rant over.

*Tounge firmly in cheek

I have to say I agree. I hope you are at your best again soon.
Our village has one lane that runs to a farm. Due to divorce the farmer had to lease some land and release money.
He let an equestrian centre open and suddenly 3 cars a day became 25 trips plus. Horses pass my door most days and are always treated well. However, their owners speed through our few houses at breakneck speeds ignoring us. 5 dead dogs and cats in two years, 3 serious (write off) car crashes, and 2 children missed just by whiskers and I mean whiskers.
Since we are a tiny community the police are actually not interested. The farmer nags but no-one listens.
We feel helpless and it will take a child impact to get some action. Instead of closing the centre they will likely disfigure our little hamlet with lighting, street furniture, and pavement and another part of the rural countryside will be lost.

You have my sympathy,
All the best,
Sam